you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
