i love accidental penises.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
