Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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