I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
