Is it normal to miss your booty call?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
