I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
