this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
