Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
