no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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