i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
