the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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