Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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