i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
