i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
