I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
