I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
