Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will pee on everything he values.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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