You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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