I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
