We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
