lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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