You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
