he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
