In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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