i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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