I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
