need another drink. this is the easiest way
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
