Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
