why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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