The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry my hands just texted you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
