This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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