I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
