and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
