I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
