John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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