I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
