before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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