Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
