Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
