Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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