Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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