She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize