this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
