alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
