My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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