I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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