I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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