we have officially lost it.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love having hate sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
