1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
