I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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