Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
