Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
