they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
