Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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