These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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