Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
