She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
