it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We don't watch enough power rangers
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
