R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
another moral hangover. fuck.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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