went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The adults are the big ones right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
