my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
