sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
